I’m a first time mom and I have a very good support system. Yet, I’m still having anxiety and baby blues. They say it’s just really normal because of postpartum. My baby girl is just a month old today. She spent her first week in the NICU so my time with her during that time is very minimal. I’m only spending 3 hours a day to breastfeed her and to cuddle. After a week, we went home and our first night was kind of crazy, it was definitely a sleepless one! We are first time parents so my hubby and I are still learning things. He already asked her mother to help while I’m still recuperating.
To be honest, I love my MIL and she’s been very helpful but I can’t help myself crying whenever she’s around. She’s the one who sunbathe my child for the first time, she also bathe her, change her diapers, change her clothes… everything. All I did during the first week was to breastfeed then she will get the baby for burp time and to bring her to her crib.
I really feel worthless and I’m missing my baby so much even if she’s always few steps away. I know that she’s just trying to help and that I should be thankful. I’m trying to be objective so I won’t cry but I’m just really feeling sad and subjective.
In her third week, my MIL needed to go home so I got the chance to spend all the time with my baby along with her daddy, of course. Taking care of a newborn can be really tiring! I’m waking up every 2 hrs to breastfeed her, change diapers, bathe her, everything! But there’s no day I cried! I’m just so happy to take care of my child. The one I carried for 9mos and delivered. I just love cuddling her.
Now that my baby is on her 4th week, my MIL is back. I’m getting some time for cuddle now unlike before. I have yet to cry again but I’m just really hoping to spend alone time with my baby and her daddy. Again, my MIL is good, great even but I don’t want her here. I’d love to bring our child to them once in a while but I want my own space with the little family we just created. Am I selfish for feeling this way?
